I Hate Surprise Parties
I hate surprise parties. All
the time and effort and for what? Ten seconds of watching the Guest of
Honor reel back in shock and disbelief after a bunch of friends, relatives and
associates leap from hallways and from behind furniture yelling, “SURPRISE!!”
All that, and then what
happens? A few minutes of laughing and talking about all the time and
effort spent preparing for this moment, and how the Guest of Honor is still
shuddering and trying to recover from the assault his “loved ones” perpetrated
against him, and then it turns into an ordinary party! A three to
five hour party. Not much of a return on investment, is it?
Oh, sure, there will be a few
moments when participants will remind everyone how the Guest of Honor should
have seen his face when he walked through that door. This is usually
perpetuated by the ones who expended the most effort in the surprise – probably
to try to milk even more appreciation for all the work they did.
Sometimes it makes you wonder who the party is really celebrating.
The Top 10 Reasons Why I HATE Surprise Parties:
10. The Guest of Honor already
expects a party.
9. The invitation list could be incomplete or flawed.
8. Last
minute plans can change with no way to contact the guests in time.
7. The
Guest of Honor may not be ready.
6. The
setup must be flawless.
5. The
actual surprise may be sloppy.
4. It
requires more work from the guests.
3. It
requires everyone to be in on the surprise.
2.
There may be a conflict the planners are unaware of.
And the Number One reason I HATE
surprise parties:
1. It is only as strong as
the weakest ability to keep a secret.
Let’s look at these
one-by-one. Don’t have the time? I’m not surprised.
10.
The Guest of Honor already expects a party.
If it was your 30th
birthday, or 40th anniversary, and absolutely nobody was talking of
a get-together or asking if you had any plans, wouldn’t you be
suspicious?
9. The invitation list could be incomplete or flawed.
The party planners are not
necessarily going to know all the people the Guest of Honor would like to have
at his party. There’s bound to be friends the planners forgot about, did
not know how to contact, or simply have never met. When these people find
out about the big party, and they weren’t invited, it could cause a lot of
relations to sour. And a lot of apologies would be in order.
Also, what if there was a guest the
honoree could not stand, “How could you have invited Phil?? She’s always
found Phil to be the biggest downer!” or two guests who have “issues” with each
other? “You can invite Jane or Michelle, but you cannot invite Jane AND
Michelle!”
8.
Last minute plans can change with no way to contact the guests in time.
What if, for whatever reason,
everything had to get started a half hour earlier and many of the guests cannot
be reached? Some may be arriving just as the Guest of Honor shows
up. Honoree: “What are YOU doing here?” You: “We could ask you the
same thing!”
Or what if, on the way to the arranged
meeting site, the unsuspecting Guest of Honor says, “Let’s drop in to have a
few quick drinks with Bill and Francine. We’re going right past their
place anyway and we haven’t seen them in ages.” When he starts to get
angry with his wife’s refusal to make a change in the plans, she may have to
let the cat out of the bag, lest some of the guests start leaving from
impatience because there was no discrete way to call the house to let them know
of the change in plans. “Now be sure to act surprised.”
7.
The Guest of Honor may not be ready.
A man was retiring after 40 years of work. Expecting some sort of customary retirement
dinner, he spends a week writing and editing a speech. But little did he know that his colleagues
decided instead to throw a surprise retirement dinner for him. There he was, on the night of the dinner
honoring his four decades of service, caught speechless. With his speech on his laptop at home, he fumbled
through by memory. He sounded idiotic,
his jokes made no sense, and he alienated colleagues he’d forgotten to honor
because he had no notes. Who surprises
a 40 year retiree and doesn’t expect a speech?
6.
The setup must be flawless.
The “setup” – the plan to get the
honoree away from or towards the party venue can be simple, or it can be
complicated. The more complex the plan, the more opportunities there are
to foul things up. “OK, now we gotta get Jim away for an hour, so you’re
gonna tell him you’re taking him to the store to buy cigarettes. But before
you get there, you’re gonna run out of gas …”
What could possibly go wrong?
Even simple plans can
backfire. “He always works till six on Fridays, so that will give us
plenty of time to set up.”
5.
The actual surprise may be sloppy.
When I turned 50, my family planned
a surprise birthday party for me. Everything was going along fine – right
up to just seconds before the guests were to yell, “Surprise!” It turns
out that as I was rounding the corner, I spotted balloons and streamers before
the guests saw me. Two seconds later, “Surprise!!” When they asked
if I was surprised, I said, “I might have been, but I saw the balloons and
streamers before I saw all of you.” All that work – ruined with two
seconds left on the clock.
4.
It requires more work from the guests.
First of all, as a guest, if you
have a question anytime in the weeks before the party, you can’t call the
hostess, lest the Honoree is within hearing range. And with CallerID, he
might ask, “Why did MY boss want to speak with YOU?”
Secondly, you have to arrive before
a certain time. If you get off work at 6:00 and everyone is supposed to
be situated before 7:30, it might give you a fifteen minute window to come
home, shower, and dress for the party to get there in time – if there’s no traffic.
And if you do show up a few minutes late, you don’t know if you can go in
without somehow ruining the surprise, or worse, be walking in as the honoree is
getting out of his car.
And third, when you get there, you
can’t park close to the house. So you may find it necessary to walk
several blocks in your good shoes on an icy street with no sidewalk. “How
come Steve and Diane didn’t come to the party?” “Haven’t you heard?
She had to take him to the hospital because he slipped on the ice and broke his
back.”
3.
It requires everyone to be in on the surprise.
Whether or not you are in on the
setup, and no matter how you may feel about surprise parties, or lying,
circumstances may come up for you to have to lie to keep up the
charade. “Uhhh, I’m actually going hunting with my father-in-law that
weekend.” Or, “No, I don’t know if anyone’s planning a get-together for
you.”
2.
There may be a conflict the planners are unaware of.
Imagine this. All the friends
of a couple are planning this great surprise anniversary party that falls on a
Saturday. A few days before, the husband surprises his wife with
two non-refundable tickets to Maui. He’s been planning this for
weeks. She happens to tell a friend, and that friend asks, “When do you
leave?” She says, “Our flight leaves this Friday!” The friend says,
“Uhhh – Friday??” Surprise!
Or how about this? Jerry’s
wife and all the people they socialize with plan this huge surprise gala for
his 40th birthday. What they don’t know, however, is that all
Jerry’s colleagues at work are also planning a surprise party – you guessed it
– on the same date. The charade falls apart when the two individual
setups collide, which is usually within an hour of each party’s start
time. “Jerry,” a colleague begins, “let’s go Chinese for lunch
today.” “No can do,” says Jerry, “My wife is supposed to be meeting me
for lunch at Giuliani’s.” I hope Jerry’s co-workers enjoy their party for
which there is no guest of honor – even though the company president was invited.
Surprise!
1.
It is only as strong as the weakest ability to keep a secret.
This one is a biggie for me.
Several years ago, a surprise party was planned for my niece. A few days
before the event, we were all at a restaurant. I asked my brother-in-law
a question, the answer of which would have raised suspicion from my
niece. He whispered a caution to me, and we all hoped she had not heard
what I had asked. Plus I felt like a fool for not having made the
connection before I asked the question.
My Parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary Non-Surprise
Party
When my parents’ 50th
anniversary was coming up, my wife and I decided to throw them a big
party. My wife said, “Do you think we should make it a surprise
party?” I said, “No way! I HATE surprise parties.” So I told
my mother we were planning this party, and would she please supply a list of
people she and Dad would want to attend, and their contact information.
About a week later, she sent me a list of people, two-thirds of whom I had never
even heard of. But they were friends, associates, and acquaintances my
parents had acquired over the years. So now I had a list of dozens of
people my parents would really enjoy having a very special party for a special
occasion – AND their addresses and phone numbers.
Many of the invitees asked if it was
a surprise party. I said, “No, they already know about it, so you don’t
need to worry about what you say or who you say it in front of. It’s just
a party.” We threw a magnificent party which lasted several hours.
Everyone seemed to have a wonderful time, and many of the guests were grateful
for the opportunity to visit with other guests they hadn’t seen in years.
All this without the ten seconds of
amusement from watching the Guests of Honor jump out of their skins from
everyone leaping out and shouting at them.
My mother told me people talked
about that party for weeks after.
That didn’t
surprise me.